gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
