Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize