We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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