you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
