who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
