Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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