a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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