The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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