bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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