i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize