I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We're too hungover to prance.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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