Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
