I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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