she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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