Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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