So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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