you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
