As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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