We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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