Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
