Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
