I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
