I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
