just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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