I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize