I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize