No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
