Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
