Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
