By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
