I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
