his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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