Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
