woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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