he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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