lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
