if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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