I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
