With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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