OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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