I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
