Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
