Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
