We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
