isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
