We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
