Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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