Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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