dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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