If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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