can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
