Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We're not piercing ourselves today.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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