well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
