im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
God I need to hump something, right now.
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