Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
