Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
