Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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