he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
