Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You need a sexual gate keeper
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dear god my vagina.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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