Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
