If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
