Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
