There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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