he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
