and you said cock pushups were impossible
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
