so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
