I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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