i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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