I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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