Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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