hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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