does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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