he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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