did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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