I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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