I'm really into asian looking animals
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
