Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
