His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
