I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
