where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
