They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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