2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
