I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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