i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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