Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
