I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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