he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
