I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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