Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
