I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize