I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
