I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
