He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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