How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
