just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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