i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize