can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
