I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
