Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
