he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
