I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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