so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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