You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
