I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
