Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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