while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize