She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
